The headline in the paper spelled out this tragedy: “Avon
Lake Girl’s Suicide prompts schools to offer counseling.”
A 14 year old
student at Avon Lake high school became a parent’s worst nightmare, as she
ended her life by her own hands. Though little is known about this young lady,
she joins an ever increasing number of students that end their life in such a drastic
way. It is a death that is nearly always misunderstood, and almost exclusively
linking to some form of depression. It is the third leading cause of death in
high school students.
The thoughts and
prayers of everyone should be with the family, as they struggle to understand
this death. Like many others, they will spend countless hours trying to make
sense of this untimely death, and search for answers. Sadly, the answers to
those questions may never be discovered. Many advocates, myself included, experience
losses such as hers as if we were close friends, because we share a common
bond. We all hope the family and friends find peace and a way to move on from
this tragedy.
All of this reminds
me of the time several years ago, that I was trying to open some doors of awareness
with the leaders of Avon Lake. After several conversations, I was left bewildered
at such Neanderthal and outright prejudicial thinking that anyone in positions
of power could ever possess.
The first contact
was with a high ranking school administrator. I approached him about doing a
mental health and suicide awareness program. His response was a bit unsettling
as he claimed “we have no need for those types of programs.” As I mentioned
earlier, suicide is the third leading cause of death in people at the high
school level, and he saw no need for more education and awareness? This leaves
one to wonder why he felt that way.
Next up was the mayor’s
office, and it was here that I heard the most outrageous comment ever used to
describe people afflicted with a disease. This former mayor was blunt in his
assertion that he “did not want mentally
ill people living in Avon Lake!”
Avon Lake, a moderately
affluent suburb with a population of over 22,000, would have over 3,500 people
who suffer from a mental illness. So with that in mind, I asked this man if he
planned on one day goose stepping all these people out of his community the way
Hitler did back during the time of the Holocaust. With that question, this strange
guy hung up the phone.
Next on the list
was some city council members, and they were just as ignorant.
When I questioned
the first one, and asked him about the mayors comments, he answered, “ I was a
combat pilot so I know all about mental illness!” Now being a combat pilot is a
commendable and impressive accomplishment, however, as I spoke with him, it was
evident that he was just being arrogant and ignorant. He found nothing improper
with comments from the mayor and, in fact, laughed about them. It makes one
wonder if he flew some of his missions without oxygen at high altitude. If not,
perhaps he is just an idiot!
Next on my list
was a councilman who is a local business man. He informed me that the mayor at
times makes comments that are “out of character” for him. However, he refused
to condemn the mayor judgments. Like the other one, he laughed and made a disparaging
remark, and used the word “psychos” to describe people in crisis. It makes one
wonder what other terms he uses to refer to people who are not part of his
moral universe. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said,” Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and
conscientious stupidity!”
An effort to communicate
with other members of this council proved fruitless. One man even said “I don’t
care” and unceremoniously hung up on me. What is that old saying about cowards
dying many deaths? Interestingly, several individuals who have been involved in
the local chapter of the National Alliance of Mental Illness, NAMI, live in Avon
Lake. Additionally, for many years support groups have been meeting in that
city with the same people that this former mayor and city council members have
stigmatized.
In retrospect, it is
easy to understand why I received responses from the leaders in this community.
It is widely accepted that mental illness is a hugely nondiscriminatory
disease. It will strike the wealthy and the destitute alike. The biggest
difference is readily available treatment, and that is not always available to people
in lower incomes. As their comments stand as testimony, this group is lead more
with arrogance, and ignorance, rather than being exposed to enlightenment and awareness.
The leaders cannot understand that mental illness is just as prevalent in their
community, as it is in less affluent communities such as the city of Lorain.
I did find a couple
of bright spots and one was Judge Darrel Bilancini. He took the time to sit
down with me one on one, and discuss the seriousness of this issue. He had in-depth
knowledge of this concern, and was always mindful of the challenges that
students do face. I was more impressed
that he was courteous and never thought mental illness is a laughing matter. A
far cry from the stupidity exhibited from the city and school officials.
I never met former
mayor Karl (KC) Zuber, but I did speak on the phone with him. Like Judge Bilancini,
he was respectful and intelligent. Interestingly, he was always willing to meet
with me on these issues, and did show a sound understanding of this subject.
If the community
wishes to honor the life of this young lady in a positive a meaningful fashion,
I have two pieces of advice.
First, stand up to
the ignorance that is displayed by the ones that mock and belittle the
seriousness of mental illness. Demand awareness and understanding, which will remove
the stigma and open the door for people to feel free to seek treatment. Learn
to accept those afflicted with understanding, compassion, and empathy. Condemn
the bigots that permeate the discriminatory practices that exist as a huge
roadblock to recovery.
Finally, take the
advice of former NFL coach turned football analyst, Tony Dungy, whose son
committed suicide back in 2006. He said “Parents,
hug your kids each chance you get. Tell them you love them each chance you get.
You don’t know when it’s going to be the last time.”
